This is not the way it was supposed to go.

The 'victory lap' was supposed to be a joyous jog through my extra year at KU, not the stumbling bumbling fast walk that it is in danger of becoming. Though I got one of the few perfect scores on my Latin American history midterm yesterday, I got less than exemplary marks in my other two classes: a 61 in Feminist Theory and a 76 in Religion & Society, both curved by the way. What happened? Ridiculous study errors. I forgot that I was allowed a cheat sheet in my Theory class that would've allowed me to write down the authors of our 20 articles with said articles and main ideas; without that, I lost 30 points on the first page alone of the test. And in R&S, I was frazzled by that history class that I did a quick review of my notes and failed to grasp that cults and new religious movements are the same damn thing, thus costing me essay points. Granted this is one test, and it is easily balanced out by the second tests (which I will know how to study for in a much better and efficient manner) and the papers that are due in both classes, but it is disconcerting to sit there for an hour and think 'Dammit, am I gonna have to drop this now so it doesn't bring down my GPA?'

These scores are but the latest in a series of doubts I've had about whether this year was a good idea or not. My original plan back in March was to stay here for a semester and take a few classes (because I was already locked into my lease again and had a job lined up for the fall), before going off to some big city to get an internship at a journal or publishing house. Then I decided to do the yearbook again and the 'extra year' was born. But it turns out that my jobs are not hardly the type of challenging/satisfying work that one would like, the yearbook is giving my fits in terms of dealing with our new publisher, and everybody is still looking at me funny like 'What are you still doing here?' I am now asking myself the exact same question.

Oh I'll stay and finish this out; I've never been one to back down. And it's not like things would be any simpler had I decided not to stay for the year, but in the back of my mind I'll still wonder about the roads not taken. It remains though that there is a job at hand, and I must complete it. I'm still bored to death, but at least now I have a challenge. There is nothing I cannot stand more than the idea of professors thinking that my abilities and understanding are lacking (same goes with yearbook publishing representatives); it is time now to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum.