Goodbye.

For all of the heartwarming smiles, the amazing women, the fantastic wit, the Blockbuster trips, the piñata busting, the outstanding guys, the Munich conquests, the jello snarfling, and the most wonderful times that a guy could have, thank you so very much. Each of you touched my life this summer, and all of it for the better. You will always be in my heart of hearts, never to be forgotten or replaced. You all brought out the best that I had to offer, and I could not have possibly asked for any more than that. The luckiest man in the world drove home from KCI this evening, crying to be sure, but also smiling at knowing that for two months, he got to be part of the most special thing he has ever known. And friends, that ain't bad.

Melancholyonthedaybefore.

Duke TiP 2005 ends in a couple of days and I am experiencing a maelstrom of emotions right now. I had no idea what I was getting into at the beginning of June, and now I absolutely do not want this comraderie to end. Having the opportunity to meet and befriend all of these great people is truly one of the best things that has happened to me; for the first time I felt like I was surrounded by a group of highly qualified, totally committed individuals who were all so very very funny and amazing. And we all welcomed each other into this fold, and some occasional hiccups notwithstanding, we sooo made it work.

But most of them will be leaving on Sunday or Monday, after our staff party Saturday night (which unfortunately counteracts with J&M's wedding that night, so I have to miss parts of both). I do have a sense of sadness at opportunities missed this summer: to go out more, to exercise better, to tell a girl (or several of them) the things that I never seem to be able to say.

Last night we had a compliment meeting, where we open the box of compliments and read them aloud for the whole staff to hear. It's supposed to be for small things like 'Good job with dinner duty' or 'You guys rocked with the dance decorations', but I used my compliments for a few people to overarch the entire summer. There is no way I was able to say all I wanted to to these people, and perhaps I never can, but I can state right now that my life will never be the same after this summer and these people, and perhaps all that matters is that they at least know that.

Storytime with Ryan.

So the kids made piñatas the other night...


But they were ugly...


So we decided to redecorate...


And we did...


And it was good...


So we played in the office...


And we played some more...


And it was good...


Until we got fired.



For more on our glorious evening, Keith's Flickr.

Kansas, my ass.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

With sincerest regards, my time in Lawrence is complete. After shopping today for new clothes, I was driving back home when I saw a man walking towards Mass St. He was wearing only a sheet around his waist and long white gloves on his hands & arms, while carrying two paper sacks. I kept looking for a sandwich board warning of impending doom but those belonged to the 'Honk for Choice' ladies on the other side of the block.

Wally World.

Tonight at Wal*Mart:

Lee: I can't figure out which one is stonger! I mean the Mega is definitely less strong than the Mega Mega, but you have Maximum, Ultimate and Extreme!
Ryan: If you have a 1-10 scale, you can't have three different kinds listed as a 10! It's not right!
Lee: I'm gonna have an anyeurism! I just need a light-medium, but it's giving nothing but extra and super. Does a 7 count?
Keith: This LA Looks is in a 7.
Ryan: But that's a different brand; would a 7 there count as say a 9 over here?
Lee: Gaaahhhh!!

Keith: I think we should take Carol's candy and pour it in the pinata.
Lee: We can't. It's locked.
Keith: You always ruin my plans and dreams.
Lee: I'm a realist.
Keith: Damn you and your logic!

At McDonalds drive-through:

Cashier: Pull up to the parking spaces right up there and we'll bring it out to you.
Lee: *looking at the sign for said parking spaces* What the fuck!? You can't have a sign that says Drive-Thru Parking Only!
Keith: Two spots!

Winner.

In honor of Keith's linkie & write-up...
Saturday night, TiP Dance:

Ryan: So you got pulled down here by Samantha and Carol?
Keith: Yeah, but I was reading in the bathroom when they came up. So they had to wait. Therefore, I win.

Afterwards, during 'Aerobics' practice:

Lee: This part is very important; we have to be flawless people, so focus.
Keith: *in back row* I can't believe [Harry Potter] ended like that!

Last night, TiP Office:

Alex: *looking at Keith* If I had a K on my guitar, I'd play it right now. *pans to Ryan and Lee* Same with R and L. But I don't, so I'll just play an A for Alex.

Deadpan.

Yesterday at Oliver...
Dinner, following airport duty:

Ryan: Yeah, so I'm not used to having a cellphone, so when I got a call on Michelle's I'm just like 'Wait, my shorts are vibrating.'
Carol: Wow, that's got to go in the termbook somewhere.

Before the all-camp meeting:

Ryan: I wrote this post called 'Hell is being single and not knowing why, part two.' Part one is definitely analytical while part two is more historical in nature.
Lee: I love how you can just deadpan that. You've got about the best comedic timing on the staff.
Ryan: Self-deprecation is a real gift.

Spectrum.

Last night at Oliver:

Ryan: [with hand gestures] So if this is the far right of the political spectrum and this is the far left, then I'm right.. about.. here. [points in the air]
Vince: You're above the spectrum?
Ryan: Among other things.

Hell is being single and not knowing why, Pt. 2.

Honestly, why the fuck is it so hard? It's 1:20am on a Saturday morning and I'm sitting here and my head has been spinning for days and days on end. Sure I could attribute that to the job and my utter lack of a break due to driving people around (which is a pleasure to do, but my gosh it wears on you), but there is another distinct factor, and that is all of the amazing women that I've been surrounded with all summer.

Now some of them may read this blog, or at least some of my co-workers, but this isn't about them. Or at least it shouldn't be. It's about how I grew up thinking that this was supposed to be straight-forward: you meet a great girl, you dig her, you tell her she's a great girl and that she should dig you back, and there you go. My experiences though have been anything but.

Why? Well for that we have to do a little segment I like to call 'How did we get here?' When I was in high school, I didn't really meet that many people outside of my school or hometown. My life focused on Humboldt High; I wanted to leave it desperately, which is why I tried to do everything I could to enhance my record for college. Anyway, I didn't really interact with new girls all that much (there's also the fact that I was the *friend* for all of the girls at the school); my first date wasn't until after I graduated. I was left out on the entire experience of 'boy meets girl, boy dates girl.'

So college was when I had to pick up the learning curve for all of this stuff, and over the last few years I've gotten exponentially better at talking to new people, and especially women. I've gotten to a point where I can truly be myself in a lot of situations that I had never dealt with before I moved to Lawrence.

Until lately. There is this one girl I know who has me absolutely bum-fuzzled; everything I've learned about myself in the last few years goes out the window when I am around her, and my mind comes to a halt and says 'Fuck man, hell if I know.' So I stand there and think 'Should I mention this? No I shouldn't mention this. Hey I could talk about that? Shit, nah. How close should I stand? Did I just laugh at that?' And this goes on and on until she walks away and then I replay everything that happened, wondering why I didn't do the things I should've.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing on her, but that unfortunately I become so paralyzed with the fear of trying too hard that I end up not trying hard enough, and that's a fine fucking line anyways, let alone when you're always on guard against looking like a dork or seeming transparent.


Ugh, I'm tired and I've been wanting to go to bed for the last couple of hours. Tomorrow I might regret putting such personal stuff on here, but for tonight it's all out on the table.

I spent a lifespan with no cellmate
The long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
–Interpol, 'Evil'

Blow shit up.

Last night...
At J&M's:

Ryan: Would you rather never be able to use a spork or wear a fez?
Jeff: Fuck me! This is like the Alan Alda question!

At Oliver:

Ryan: I was talking to Michelle this morning and she said she would be in Overland–
Keith: When you say 'this morning', do you mean like 6am when you rolled over? [giggle]
Ryan: I was trying to spare your feelings.

Behind JRP:

Keith: [lighting a bottle rocket that was stuck in the ground] Shit! Too close to the penis!
Jeremy: [rolling away on the ground] Ahhh!
Keith: [putting his feet up to deflect the blast] Hahahaha! Awesome!

Ovah.

Term 1 is now complete, and I'm rather sad in a 'Wow, that was totally unexpected' sort of way. When I brought the kids back to the dorm for the last time yesterday we had a group hug and I was a little overwhelmed at how much I totally loved being around them every day...even if they did do stupid things and ignore directions sometimes. They'll always be my first class, and now I get to wonder what the next class will be like.

It's rather amazing how close Lee and I have gotten in just the span of three weeks. We went from not knowing each other at all to spending the better part of 12 hours together every day. The rest of the staff is wonderful: Keith, Michelle, Whitney, James, Samantha, the other James, Courtney, Jeremy, Laura (that's Lah-ruh to you pal), and so many others. I believe I've said it many times before, but they all rock.

And I'll get a chance to experience even more of the staff awesomeness when I move into the dorm this next week. That's right: for the first time since the first day of freshman year (which ended up being my only day living there), I will be living in a dormitory. I'll be closer to the rest of staff, I'll just drive home once a day rather than drive to Oliver twice or three times daily, and I'll be right across the street from the Rec, which is important since I've decided to start lifting actual weights again, rather than my year-long experiment with ProBodX. Which worked out fine when I was in the 98th percentile for fitness in my age group last summer from weightlifting, but for getting back into shape, maybe not so much. So this Tuesday morning at 6am, I begin my new workout schedule. This time I mean it. Seriously people. Shut up.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say that I know this posting schedule is irregular, and I don't know how often I'll get to do it in the dorm since I won't have my computer on the internet, but whatever. 'Tis summer and I am having a blast with cool people and a cool job. Tonight we party; it will be a combination of bowling and a house in the country, and it will be supremo fun.