Watching USA:Italy at Tim's:
Tim: See, the problem is that American fans aren't aggressive enough about soccer. The ref knows that the Italian fans could kill him after the game.
Ryan: He's taking advantage of our ignorance.
Tim: Exactly. This is where George W. needs to step up and be like "I'll invade your ass. I may not know where your country is, but that doesn't matter."
Tim: Yes, because deliberately elbowing somebody in the face, and being a split-second late on a legal tackle are equally worthy of the red card. Fucker.
Tim: This is why Americans hate soccer. Any other sport you're encouraged to screen the opposing players to help score.
Ryan: Maybe we were right all along. Damn, that's a thought that's gonna fester when I try to sleep tonight.
Announcer: If the USA can pull off the win, as the underdog to a talented Italy team, nobody will be talking about the referee or the red cards.
Ryan: I'll take that bet. Moron.
Announcer: It's the 90th minute, you have a substitution left, the US should bring on somebody like Eddie Johnson to give some fresh legs.
Ryan: Hey Tim, why didn't you start talking about that twenty minutes ago!?
Tim: Fuck me! Yes, that's a fantastic idea! Bring on a substitute with fucking 30 seconds left in the game!
Ryan: I like how Musberger comes back from the commercial ranting about how the ref was suspended in 2002. No introductions, no 'Welcome back to post-game', just straight up invective. God I love sports.
[Hats off to Lee for title inspiration.]
And never will.
17 June 2006
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